


The clothes make the man (probably)

by HoneyDontFeedIt



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: First Meeting, Gen, I know it makes no sense, Kinda, Not a ship, an explanation for why they wear matching outfits in the hunters exam, idk what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27026407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoneyDontFeedIt/pseuds/HoneyDontFeedIt
Summary: Hisoka goes shopping before the hunter exam, gives advice and gets an ally.
Relationships: Hisoka & Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	The clothes make the man (probably)

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is crack but why do they match?? Anyways enjoy pls comment if you do!

Hisoka idly sorted through a clothing rack, half looking for thing in his size, half people watching the other customers in the store. 364 days ago he had failed the hunters exam, and tomorrow he’d be taking it again, to win this time. But as with all things in life, the exam would bet better taken in a flashy new outfit. He pulled a green cropped vest out and held it against himself, before sighing and putting it back.

“Oh,” said a soft voice behind him. “Are you not getting that? Would you mind if I looked?”

Hisoka turned, surprised someone had managed to stand behind him without being noticed. Oh, and it was…. A fish in human form. Ok, why not. It was truly amazing how the facial expression was absolutely emotionless but the eyes were so wide it looked like they’d been scared as a child and never gotten over it. Hisoka passed them the vest. “Be my guest.”

They held the vest up and stared at it. And kept staring. Hisoka shifted slightly to look around the vest being held up and at the persons face, which was as empty as it had been minutes ago. Did this person feel emotion? The vest wasn’t that interesting what was holding his attention-

“No,” the person abruptly said, pushing the vest back at Hisoka. “Not this one,” and they walked away. 

Hisoka looked down at the vest then at the person now walking away and decided this was probably going to be the most interesting thing to happen that day. “Wait a moment!”

“No,” the person said as he caught up with them, walking to a different part of the store. 

Hisoka grinned. “I’m Hisoka,” he introduced. “You may have heard of me?”

The person shrugged, and pulled a different green vest out of a rack. “Oh, this is ok.” 

“Shop here often?” Hisoka inquired. “They have a particular style but it fits me well, you also I assume.”

The person held a tank top up and stared at it with eyes as blank as a ……. Before putting it back. “I’m experimenting.”

“With clothes?”

A nod was his answer. Hisoka pulled a purple collared shirt out of a clearance rack. “Try this.” 

The person took at and once again began his ritual of intense staring that in Hisoka’s opinion lasted just a little too long before they hummed and said “I don’t know…. This looks like something my brother might wear.”

Hisoka raised an eyebrow. “Not up for matching with your brother?”

“He’s an ugly fat pig who plays video games all day,” the person put the shirt back. “I’d rather die than match with him.” 

“Understandable,” Hisoka said, pulling the shirt back out, “but if you paired it with this undershirt and these pants and a few accessories… voila!”  
The person stared at the outfit Hisoka had made. “This looks like what you’re wearing.”

“I have impeccable taste.” 

They shrugged and added it to the vest they were holding. “Well, I’ll be in disguise so if I look terrible I guess no one will know.”

Hisoka grinned. “Disguise? Do tell why.”

“I’m taking the hunters exam,” they explained. “For a job. But I don’t want to be recognized, for personal reasons.”

“What a coincidence! I’m taking the exam as well! I don’t suppose you’d be willing have a friendly little spar, perhaps we could work well together? I’m rather desperate to pass, you see.”

They paused from sorting through the last rack and looked at Hisoka, tipping their head to the side and scrutinizing him in the same blank way they had the clothes he’d been considering. “Yes you do seem desperate.”

“Hey-“

“I’m Illumi,” said Illumi. “But you’ll have to call me Gittarakur for the exam.”

“Alright,” Hisoka agreed. “Why not.”

“I also won’t look like this.” 

“You’ll look better,” Hisoka said, gesturing to the pile of clothing Illumi was holding.

“…. No. You have Nen?”

Hisoka struck a dramatic pose, or a slightly more dramatic one than how he usually stood around. “Of course! It’s called Bungee Gum, would you like to know how it works?”

Illumi checked the time. “Sure.”

Hisoka’s eyes sparkled. “A person of taste! Bungee Gum has the properties of both rubber and gum, you see.”

Illumi checked the time again. “How fascinating,” they said with no emotion.

Hisoka threw an arm around Illumi’s shoulder. “I knew we’d be good friends.”

Illumi pushed his away, wrinkling his nose. “Legally I’m not allowed to have friends.”

“What?”

“It’s on my birth certificate. All Zoldyks have that clause written in. My brother tried to have an online friend through his video games once and my grandfather sued him for everything he owned.”

“Did your grandfather win?”

“Obviously.” 

Hisoka shook his head. “Allies then?”

Illumi paused to consider this, again staring intensely and taking just over the socially acceptable time to think about things. “I guess so…. you’ll have to help me with something after I help you pass the hunters exam though.”

Hisoka clasped his hands together. “Wonderful! And yes anything. But first more shopping.”

Illumi blinked, cause Hisoka to realize that was the first time he remembered seeing them do that. Ah what was he thinking fish didn’t need to blink. “But I have clothes now.”

“Illumi do you know what sets me apart from your other run of the mill hunter wannabes.”

“No but I think you’re going to tell me-“ 

“I’ll tell you,” Hisoka interrupted. “It’s style. Aesthetic. Whatever you want to call it, people look at me and trust me, they don’t forget about Hisoka the magician.”

“It’s not clown?”

Hisoka frowned. “What?”

Illumi gestured at Hisoka. “Your outfit. It looks more clown than magician.”

“It does not.”

“Yes it does.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“It does not- it’s magician! Anyways,” Hisoka dropped a hand onto Illumi’s shoulder, which Illumi promptly shrugged off. “The clothes make the man, is my point, and there’s nothing better, from a card deck perspective than a matching pair. Understand?”

Illumi nodded. “Sure.”

Hisoka narrowed his eye. “And… are you?”

Illumi stared at him. “Am I.. a card?”

Hisoka shook his head. “No, a man.”

Illumi’s eyes got darker and more blank of that was even possible. “Yes.”

“I was just checking! It’s the hair I think.” 

Illumi sighed. “Well, do to unfortunate circumstances I have only the clothes I’m wearing, so I do need more and I am tired of wearing windbreakers all the time.”

Hisoka gagged. “Oh, wow we really are experimenting. Come with me I’ll teach you everything I know about fashion!” 

“Oh goody,” Illumi said. “This could be fun, or dreadful.”

“I have that effect on people.”

“Yes,” said Illumi.


End file.
